Bertalizer here again
and it has been a very busy week. But I am pleased to report that I am now
a certified (or should that be certifiable) STAR. Yesterday I made my solo
debut at an agility demonstration without Baxter. I did a good job too. There
were other dogs there, but really there is not much to say about them.
First off we had to take the dreaded street car to get there, and you know
how much I hate streetcars. It was short turned because of the fair, and unfortunately
we had to walk the rest of the way there. Of course I immediately drew attention
from fellow pedestrians, and they were impressed that I was going to perform
at the fair. "Ah my ever expanding group of adoring fans!"
When we got there, it was crowded. I had a little trial run. I wasn't bad
except for those pesky weave poles. Then it was onto the demonstration.
The first performance
was an obedience one. Now I have not done any obedience in over a year, but
my fans wanted to see me. After all, those folks we met on the street earlier
were front and centre. As per usual, the Border Collies and Ozzies did their
stuff - so boring.
"God do they need
to please their bipeds - REALLY GET A LIFE and stop living thru your bipeds."
Of course I had to put
a Welshie turn on my performance, and I quickly seduced the crowd with my
antics. I was obedient - well somewhat - and I visited the crowd throughout
my performance - after all this is SHOW BIZ not some silly trial.
Next up was a retrieval game. A huge pile of toys were placed in the centre
of the ring, and you were given points for retrieving them and then you gave
them to your biped. Of course, a Border Collie went in first and racked up
13 points right away - so boring. I was about 5th in and in true Welshie fashion,
I claimed all the toys for ME - mine all mine. Why would I want to select
one and give it to my biped when he doesn't even appreciate them. So I got
on top on the pile and played with them ALL! OK so my biped did have some
treats and in the last seconds of the game I racked up 12 points just to taste
the treats. What are you going to do - you got to give your biped something.
The next game was a recall one. Ed stood in the centre of the ring with a
hot dog hanging out of his hand. The dogs were to run by the hot dog and go
directly to their bipeds. Well the first little dog did that, but then realized
there was a hot dog and ran back. The border collies went right to their masters.
Well needlessly to say, I figured out this game - it didn't matter what you
did, you still got the hot dog. I trotted in and you could just hear the crowd
eager with anticipation of what I was going to do. Boy do I know how to work
Well I went right past Ed and almost to Bill and veered right and trotted
around the ring visiting more of my fans. Bill made me do it again, but I
fooled him and visited the far side of the ring. So many people, so many smells
I could hardly contain myself. Needless to say, I WAS A HIT, and I got the
hot dog in the end.
Finally it was time for the agility part of the demonstration. Now I am pretty
good at this, but what the hell, I was going to play to the crowd. After all,
the film festival was on and some director might discover me. I could become
a huge international STAR. We walked into the ring and the crowd cheered and
clapped at my return. Boy do I have it or do I have it. Well I did a few jumps,
and then made my biped chase me around the ring a few times. I refused to
do the teeter, and the crowd loved it. I would not do the tire either, and
they love that more. I had to sit down for a rest because working a crowd
is hard work. Then I finished the course just to let everyone know I knew
how to do agility. Well didn't the crowd just clapped, hoot and holler over
Afterwards, many of my adoring fans came over and visited with me, knew my
name, and gave me lots of treats. It was perfect star treatment, and I deserved
it. I sat in Bill's lap, my favourite position, and just let my adoring fans
fawn all over me. We were also given a huge bag of Nutro treats, which I might
add I have not had any yet.
"Biped do your
stuff and treat me!"
Well being a star I have found out is hard work. I really needed a nap, so
we returned home where I slept, but not before taunting Baxter - he had to
stay home - haha. And then my fans started phoning us. The organizer phoned
to thank us and congratulated me on my 'hammy' oops star performance.
She said the crowd could not get enough of me, and asked if I would appear
in 3 more demos. Unfortunately we are limiting my performances (something
about a lack of a car - who knows) but as far as I am concerned you have to
keep them wanting more and not over expose yourself.
Well I am resting today, close to the phone thou, those offers may start pouring
in at any second.
Baxter here - never in my life I have heard
such BS. It is not like he went into the crowd and stole a hamburger. This
pup has a lot to learn.