Bertalizer here again and it has been a very busy week. But I am pleased to report that I am now a certified (or should that be certifiable) STAR. Yesterday I made my solo debut at an agility demonstration without Baxter. I did a good job too. There were other dogs there, but really there is not much to say about them.

First off we had to take the dreaded street car to get there, and you know how much I hate streetcars. It was short turned because of the fair, and unfortunately we had to walk the rest of the way there. Of course I immediately drew attention from fellow pedestrians, and they were impressed that I was going to perform at the fair. "Ah my ever expanding group of adoring fans!"

When we got there, it was crowded. I had a little trial run. I wasn't bad except for those pesky weave poles. Then it was onto the demonstration.

The first performance was an obedience one. Now I have not done any obedience in over a year, but my fans wanted to see me. After all, those folks we met on the street earlier were front and centre. As per usual, the Border Collies and Ozzies did their stuff - so boring.

"God do they need to please their bipeds - REALLY GET A LIFE and stop living thru your bipeds."

Of course I had to put a Welshie turn on my performance, and I quickly seduced the crowd with my antics. I was obedient - well somewhat - and I visited the crowd throughout my performance - after all this is SHOW BIZ not some silly trial.

Next up was a retrieval game. A huge pile of toys were placed in the centre of the ring, and you were given points for retrieving them and then you gave them to your biped. Of course, a Border Collie went in first and racked up 13 points right away - so boring. I was about 5th in and in true Welshie fashion, I claimed all the toys for ME - mine all mine. Why would I want to select one and give it to my biped when he doesn't even appreciate them. So I got on top on the pile and played with them ALL! OK so my biped did have some treats and in the last seconds of the game I racked up 12 points just to taste the treats. What are you going to do - you got to give your biped something.

The next game was a recall one. Ed stood in the centre of the ring with a hot dog hanging out of his hand. The dogs were to run by the hot dog and go directly to their bipeds. Well the first little dog did that, but then realized there was a hot dog and ran back. The border collies went right to their masters. Well needlessly to say, I figured out this game - it didn't matter what you did, you still got the hot dog. I trotted in and you could just hear the crowd eager with anticipation of what I was going to do. Boy do I know how to work a crowd!

Well I went right past Ed and almost to Bill and veered right and trotted around the ring visiting more of my fans. Bill made me do it again, but I fooled him and visited the far side of the ring. So many people, so many smells I could hardly contain myself. Needless to say, I WAS A HIT, and I got the hot dog in the end.

Finally it was time for the agility part of the demonstration. Now I am pretty good at this, but what the hell, I was going to play to the crowd. After all, the film festival was on and some director might discover me. I could become a huge international STAR. We walked into the ring and the crowd cheered and clapped at my return. Boy do I have it or do I have it. Well I did a few jumps, and then made my biped chase me around the ring a few times. I refused to do the teeter, and the crowd loved it. I would not do the tire either, and they love that more. I had to sit down for a rest because working a crowd is hard work. Then I finished the course just to let everyone know I knew how to do agility. Well didn't the crowd just clapped, hoot and holler over my performance.

Afterwards, many of my adoring fans came over and visited with me, knew my name, and gave me lots of treats. It was perfect star treatment, and I deserved it. I sat in Bill's lap, my favourite position, and just let my adoring fans fawn all over me. We were also given a huge bag of Nutro treats, which I might add I have not had any yet.

"Biped do your stuff and treat me!"

Well being a star I have found out is hard work. I really needed a nap, so we returned home where I slept, but not before taunting Baxter - he had to stay home - haha. And then my fans started phoning us. The organizer phoned to thank us and congratulated me on my 'hammy' oops star performance. She said the crowd could not get enough of me, and asked if I would appear in 3 more demos. Unfortunately we are limiting my performances (something about a lack of a car - who knows) but as far as I am concerned you have to keep them wanting more and not over expose yourself.

Well I am resting today, close to the phone thou, those offers may start pouring in at any second.

Bertie


Baxter here - never in my life I have heard such BS. It is not like he went into the crowd and stole a hamburger. This pup has a lot to learn.